“But…Isn’t that depressing?”
Grief sucks. While an inevitable part of the human experience, it is, by most individual’s definitions, one of the worst chapters of one’s life story. His Her Their Story was curated to provide a supportive service to those living amidst grief, however our blog serves as a space to speak about the intricacies of it. The intricacies of building a space to walk with others on their journey, while walking my own in real time. Given the dichotomy of supporting while suffering, I understand the skepticism of many who feel holding space for both is nearly impossible. However, I’m here to dispel that idea. Supporting while suffering is feasible, empowering, and is a more realistic part of the human experience than one might initially recognize.
“But…isn't that depressing?”. This is, unfortunately, the most common response I’ve received when sharing my startup with my community. (Sidenote: As humans, we have an innate nature of thinking something and, oftentimes, saying it without full dissection of how it might land to the ears spoken to. My next blog will address this in detail.) I would be lying if I didn't share that my responses to this comment have varied.Given the heaviness of this work, I’d like to share my most common response: “Grief is depressing.” “This work a gift”.
Grief is undoubtedly depressing…to those who are experiencing it. Just like happiness is joyful. Also, surprises are exciting.
When you are sitting with someone as they bear a loss, a good human feels emotions. You may feel sadness, or compassion, or vicarious grief.
P.S. This is an indicator of empathy.
Renowned social worker and author Brene’ Brown defines empathy as “feeling with people”. Through her thought-provoking animated short (attached below), she demonstrates how “empathy fuels connection…sympathy drives disconnection”.
Empathy is choosing to connect with something inside of ourselves that knows or remembers the feeling of loss. As a therapist, however, I have noticed a rise in individuals who truly struggle with the human experience of “sitting” with the uncomfortable emotions of others. As a person who has stared down the barrel of recent grief, I can also attest to this.
“This work is a gift”. Being able to “sit” with those grieving, holding space for others who are carrying a heavy burden, or helping others ‘carry their cross’ for a short while to alleviate the heaviness of their burden, is a gift. It is a gift to sit with other’s emotions without trying to offer a solution. It is a gift to let people grieve and feel heard/seen/loved. It is a gift to connect. It is a gift to assist in writing their loved one’s story through tears, laughter, and nostalgia. This is why His Her Their Story was created.
Grief and loss is a heavy part of the human experience. Being able to tolerate and explore our discomfort surrounding sitting amongst grief is a superpower. Empathy is the glue that connects the two.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HznVuCVQd10
